If you're trying to convince me your 'companionship' robot is 'lifelike', maybe don't rip her face off in the demo video

HardwareIf you’re trying to convince me your ‘companionship’ robot is ‘lifelike’, maybe don’t rip her face off in the demo videoWhen you purchase through links on our site, we may earn an affiliate commission.Here’s how it works.

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(Image credit: Realbotix)

A robot with a human face

CES is an exciting event because it’s always packed with weird, wild, and often dubious tech stuff, likecyberprisons for tiny anime girls(what?), VR racing rigsthat blow wind in your face(huh?), andkeyboards where every key is bread(which?).

I’m not at CES myself so I couldn’t meet one of Realbotix’s full-body robots, but the gist is they cost about $200,000 and they’re a waking nightmare. Take a look:

Realbotix: Advancing Realistic Humanoid Robots & Companionship-Based AI - YouTubeWatch On

Realbotix: Advancing Realistic Humanoid Robots & Companionship-Based AI - YouTube

“Our customized AI solutions are tailored to your specific needs, whether for companionship, social interaction, or business purposes,” says Realbotix, though I can’t help noticing the video above starts out with the camera pointed at the robot’s ass. They’re implying you can have sex with the robots, right?

“Realbotix can replicate a historical figure, a celebrity or bring to life our client’s vision for a robot,” the official site says while refusing to answer my question. “Our companionship-based AI makes our robots perfectly suited for the home.”

Perfectly suited forsexin the home?

“Manufactured in the USA, Realbotix has a reputation for having the highest quality humanoid robots and the most realistic silicone skin technology,” the site says evasively. “Robots with a human touch” is the company’s motto. So… sex robots, probably, right?

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…reminiscent of the unpleasant spasms of a Chuck E. Cheese animatronic character

Look, I don’t think robots you can talk to (and have sex with, maybe) are a bad idea at all, but the video above isn’t particularly compelling. We’re treated to the robots making odd, jerky gestures that are supposed to be lifelike but are mostly reminiscent of the unpleasant spasms of a Chuck E. Cheese animatronic character during the final performance of an 8-year-old’s pizza party.

One robot attempts to brush her hair back but the movement takes twice as long as a human would, making me wonder if my coffee has been spiked with acid. A second robot attempts an alluring “come hither” gesture that needs a few dozen more iterations of programming fixes because that hand is not moving like a human hand or even an alien hand but like the spiny legs of some skeletal creature you might find crawling in the muck at the bottom of the Uncanny Valley.

And then, for reasons I can’t even fathom, Realbotix takes the robot it’s been trying to convince me is “realistic” and has two burly human arms come in and rip the flesh off the robot’s face. What are you doing, Realbotix? You show me her butt and boobs and French manicure and then tear her face off to reveal bulging yet lifeless eyes, exposed plastic teeth and gums, see-through skull and mechanized brain? The hell is the matter with you?

We need to address theotherjumpscare in the video, too—like, what’s with the emaciated old man robot looking at the second woman robot, smiling, then flicking his eyes to me to make eye contact?

We may never know, because I’m too disturbed to look into this any further. If you’re braver than I, you can visit theRealbotix website.

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